Marriage in Crisis Discernment Counseling in Columbia, SC
Our marriage is in crisis
My spouse isn’t sure if they want to work on the relationship
I want desperately to save our relationship but she isn’t interested
He just doesn’t want to be married anymore
She wants me to stay, but I want to go
Why can’t he just admit that it is over!?
I’m afraid if I stay in this relationship nothing will get better
I’m not sure if I want to be in this relationship any longer but I’m also not sure if I want a divorce
Is Discernment Counseling Right For Us?
Discernment Counseling is designed for you if your marriage is in crisis and the above sounds familiar. There can be so much turmoil and chaos when you or your partner are considering separation or divorce. Should we stay together or get divorced?
Your partner tells you that they are considering divorce and you may find yourself caught off guard and panicking as you feel like you have no say in all this.
Or you feel ambivalent about whether you really want to divorce or save the marriage. Furthermore, you are not sure how to talk about your thoughts and feelings in a manner where you will feel understood and safe.
Discernment Counseling helps you and your partner slow down and see what options you have for your relationship.
The Goal of Discernment Counseling
Through the discernment counseling process you both will gain a deeper understanding of how your relationship got to this point where you marriage is in crisis that one or both of you are considering separation. Discernment Counseling will help you slow down and examine the future possibilities for your relationship. You will gain greater clarity and confidence about the direction of your relationship through this form of brief couples therapy.
The aim is not to solve your relationship problems, but to see if they would be solvable in couples therapy.
What is Discernment Counseling?
Discernment Counseling is a research validated model for helping couples who have at least one person who is considering separation or divorce.
It is a blame-free way of helping couples who have one person “leaning out” (not sure that regular couples therapy can help) and another “leaning in” (interested in rebuilding the relationship).
The Structure of Discernment Counseling
Discernment Counseling will help you decide between 3 possible paths:
1) Take a structured time-out and decide later
2) Move towards separation or divorce
3) Commit to 6 months couples therapy with divorce off the table after which you can make another decision whether to stay or go. Click here for more information on how marriage counseling will look like if you decide on this path.
You will come as a couple and meet together at moments but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations because you are starting out in different places.
There are usually a maximum of five counseling sessions with the first session usually 2 hours and subsequent sessions 1.5 hours.
After each session we will review whether we want to have another session of Discernment Counseling.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling
Compassion. Empathy. Directness. Respect.
These are things you can expect in my work with you in Discernment Counseling no matter how you are feeling about your marriage. There is no finding a “bad guy” or “good guy” as you both have a role in your relationship.
I will respect your reasons for divorce while discussing circumstances to be open to restoring the marriage to health. Even if this relationship ends, this process is useful for future relationships as we tend to take “our part” to all of our intimate relationships.
I will help you both see your own contributions to the cycle of disconnection you get stuck in as well as possible solutions. Doing this will benefit you for your relationship, whether in this one or the next.
When Discernment Counseling is Inappropriate
In some rare occassions Discernment Counseling may not be helpful:
– When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
– When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
– When there is danger of domestic violence
Please click below for more clarity about whether Discernment Counseling would be helpful for you and your relationship.